Your Forgotten Love Story

That's the setting...me...some dude sitting at a computer like that doogie howser kid. I had these dumb thoughts of things in my head, which haven't really gone away. It's been awhile now...can't really help it. It's usually healthier if I don't try to come up with dumb things....who knows, not much going for me either way, at least I got a recharge and didn't feel like a cabbage after the fact...you know...like a vegetable ...that sort of thing...no feeling...kinda blank. This world is not meant for just us gliders of life hanging on the edge of reality...I need to have a grasp of an actual concept and then I could actually get some bullet holes grouped into that pretty heart of yours. Nice ones really.. heart shaped bullets? That would make sense...probably still hurt a little...those kind wouldn't be to kill...they just sting..thats what happens. The shells of the ammo, they'd be rose petals and fall down in some lighted anime-ish way slowly hitting the ground and making a whisp sound as they evaporate as though they weren't even there. Grasping at the air where you once stood just like me there wondering why I didn't jump at those other chances earlier and all the other paths that had much easier trails to take and more glamorous cars and women to ride with then the original one I had been tracking all this time. When I got there I found she didn't exist...something...a memory...the dogs are tracking up a tree only to find that whatever it was...had escaped...cunning foxes. Silent treatment by me is one of the things I'm good at, besides the making myself look stupid or clumsy...its one of my more defining characteristics. I kinda don't know what I wrote...something to the effect of chasing the elusive may fly of love or something silly. thanks vash

sleep

also denton girls are kinda nuts.....but judging by my rambling I'm probably on the next boat to ...I need to get some sleep

I seem to drag my feet on stuff a lot. Its my character to be the nonchalant, indifferent person that I always am. I'd really like to take some initiative and get things going in one direction or another.....I always seem to end up back in a rut. I'll really try to make a decision about things this coming year and decide if its worth my time for certain things or just to throw them out and move on.

I just looked at a bird whistle on my desk...for some reason that makes me feel better....thanks bird whistle.

I have a ukulele.
I've actually been using it.
I've learned the first part of a Weezer song.
I will become semi-awesome at it.
I will use it to to trap girls.

I've had this song stuck in my head today...seems to be the theme for today.

Her name is Yoshimi
she's a black belt in karate
working for the city
she has to discipline her body

'Cause she knows that
it's demanding
to defeat those evil machines
I know she can beat them

Oh Yoshimi, they don't believe me
but you won't let those robots eat me
Yoshimi, they don't believe me
but you won't let those robots defeat me

Those evil-natured robots
they're programmed to destroy us
she's gotta be strong to fight them
so she's taking lots of vitamins

'Cause she knows that
it'd be tragic
if those evil robots win
I know she can beat them

Oh Yoshimi, they don't believe me
but you won't let those robots defeat me
Yoshimi, they don't believe me
but you won't let those robots eat me

Yoshimi

'Cause she knows that
it'd be tragic
if those evil robots win
I know she can beat them

Oh Yoshimi, they don't believe me
but you won't let those robots defeat me
Yoshimi, they don't believe me
but you won't let those robots defeat me

Oh Yoshimi, they don't believe me
but you won't let those robots eat me
Yoshimi, they don't believe me
but you won't let those robots eat me

Yoshimi

Sorry if I pissed anyone off friday night...I drank a lot...but only because it wasn't my money....I know I should feel bad...and I do...but not for the money part...and I feel my self becoming more and more cynical towards the world...so I'll try not to be an ass so much...at least jason didn't have a chance to record it on his google voice number.

"Yo tengo un puerco en me neres"
"That means 'I have a pig in my nose.'"
"What is going on in Mexico??"

Not that anyone in denton reads this...maybe like 2....but I had a good conversation with a good friend of mine here and was able to talk with her one on one with things....it was good and wholesome. I also ordered a harmonica in the key of A today, since I have one in the key of C already. Kinda practicing a little on it since its small and easy to carry around. I'm reading a book Jason gave me a few years ago...a little each night. I also know how many school credits I need. I'm semi on track again. Minus one girlfriend...that remains to be seen...I always have this girl on the back burner which I don't really know if she's there or not, but I'd kinda like to do things with her. Also this other girl that was sorta after me who I don't like even though she's attractive....meh. I need money so I can get done with school. I'm lame...but better than yesterday.

Litterly cutest girl in the room, at swing the other day...well she has been the past few times...in my opinion anyway...turned out she's my freakin neighbor...go figure...I should really talk to people more...I need to buy some whiskey for that...not just because of the liquid courage thing...more so cause its tasty....so long as I can spill my guys with out actually doing so and smelling like a drunk...always carry gum with you guys!

off to frisbee

Its not so much dating as interest where in the fact I'd want to date certain people just to exclude them from certain other guys I feel are in the category of douchebag or just dumb. Cause there are some I'd really like to date but I think about it and then I call myself off cause I think the things we like to do would be too different to work out for long or something. But definitely don't want other mooks goonballing around cause I was too much of a lameass to take to do something about the girl in the first place. wtf me

Erase me from the map, hire me for it you won't be disappointed but probably you will be, if my professions change I'm still me. Sometimes I wonder though if I could go through with it...lately I don't seem to have any qualms about it. Say I was hired to kill someone, I mean I'd have to learn the trade or whatever but I'd do it professionally if I had the chance seems classy in a in the dark sense. The thing is being me I'd probably not take the right opportunity and end up grazing a guy while he's sitting down and thus shooting his prized poodle in the face...blood all over the floor...that'd be a pretty site I'm sure of it. The guy would be pissed...send guys to avenge the death of beloved foo foo and someone if not me would be killed all because the dog was a mistake...maybe a mistake to begin with...the dogs fine...the haircut is what kills...the dog couldn't stand it he welcomed the thought of one day pleasing his master soo much that he's see how much he looked like a jackass. This feels good I haven't had a good feeling of thought to actually pour out in awhile its nice when it does this. The feeling like a warm hug except in reverse some how and theres this feeling in your head that just feels right although somewhat dark and empty and a mix of other things at exactly the same time.

I have a bad temper, I hide it well or at least I think I do. It boils over sometime and I just wanna yell about stupid shit that doesn't matter...in the end I just become apathetic to the whole lot of it. I think insouciant describes me pretty well...I seem to do whatever that word is a lot...just drift through in a carefree like manner. Things I do care about don't seem to affect me in much of a long term...seriously....I've lost my edge from way back when...I'm still the same but different...I'm still me...it'd be easy to do. Lots of things I wouldn't do...I figure if I allude to stuff too much I might get flagged for something stupid and have people knocking at my door..better just to leave this as fiction-ey stuff and hope for the best...at least I'm not bitching about girls this time around.

I'm not editing this for typos...deal

How goes it would be the question that goes with this title/subject line.

Meh despite me not wanting to show a whole lot of emotion towards things or anyone for that matter...I had fun tonight....danced with some pretty attractive girls...have a story to tell now cause one of our friends got kicked out for the night and I have a sneaking suspicion that one of the girls may kinda like me. Which is fine by me...she's cute...still trying to judge her personality a little but you know...maybe I should just go with it and take her to star trek or something. Also for anyone who lives in Denton Texas 8 Ball has some of the best food..no joke...the cook there is pretty awesome has stories to tell and can cook you anything from stromboli to shrimp, so try it out sometime....so theres my plug for that place, I'll probably eat there tomorrow.

I killed my laptop sorta...it still runs but I probably need to replace the harddrive.....or maybe not...but I want to..so I'm probably going to replace it anyway.

I need to goto bed...so I'm probably gonna do that...so yeah....

you basically have no idea do you?...your kinda dumb and think you have ideas of the real world...and maybe you do...its a responsibility though...you get into it...more so than you think you will and you end up being in a place...with bills and shit I forgot to play the lottery today...meh

I was gonna do something today but I guess...I'm not doing anything today...I guess I'll eat a bowl of ice cream and not do shit today

Still the same old stuff I have been doing, at least emotionally. I feel a little better today, I got some ice cream at Sack N Save on the off chance that I'd see the kinda cool girl thats cheers me up cause she sorta talks to me during checkout....she was there and she acknowledged my existence ...I should have bought more stuff...it wouldn't have mattered either way...I'm still me...I bought some ice cream...she made a comment about eating it all...I said I'd try...trivial convo...but salright I got some ice cream.

I'm staying up late again as usual...I'm going to bed and doing homework in a few hours...I think I'm depressed cause I don't have something to occupy my time
(at least nothing constructive that I pay attention to) so I think about not having a girlfriend sometimes and its just silly and sap like...like I usually end up being anyway.

I feel kinda dumb again...its not like I can say its been one of those days...but maybe at least like the last few hours I've felt like I don't really have an attachment here. At the moment I have little to no reservations about picking up and leaving and going to live in Thailand, China, South Korea, Taiwan or maybe Japan to just live and teach English and be away from everything...and live a totally different lifestyle than what I'm used to. Why is it that I'm such a damn sap about the little things and that they bother me so much to send me into this spiral of where I'd rather not worry about it because I didn't so what I should have done in the first place. If my job tanks, and or the economy decides to tank on itself...have no worries...moving away is, in my mind a viable option at the moment.

I ordered some stuff on thinkgeek so I could get a free shirt, hopefully I'll have that, a puzzle ball thing, and a do it yourself bloodtest thing so I can finally know what bloodtype I am since the plasma guys don't do that sort of thing or won't cause it isn't cost effective or some crap.

just keep swimming

"I'm Robert, I ...MIGHT like you, I just wanna toy with your emotions......
I'm not even in it for the sex I just want the uncomfortable awkwardness."

A door open or maybe I can just see the window...who knows...I always seem to have high hopes for stupid shit and then I get depressed....better off just being the reserved person I usually am and not causing myself troubles. I wonder if I was able to talk to myself a year from now if I'd have anything useful to say or if I'd just float about life like I normally do and not have anything significant to say. I'm falling asleep....heres hoping theres something more afoot....should I have stayed with door number 1...or the ghost door..door 2 is kinda too far to reach...I'm going to bed

Hey girl,
You know our economy's in the toilet
But I’m still going to treat you right

I said you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah

Tater tots, Cold Duck on ice
And we can clip coupons all night
And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah

Take you out for dinner, anywhere that you please
Like Burger King or Mickey Ds
And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can even have the large fry (large fry) yeah, yeah

Baby, you should know I am really quite a sweet guy
When I buy you bathroom tissue I always get the two-ply
Want it, you can get it, my dear
I got my Costco membership card right here, yeah

You like Top Ramen, need Top Ramen
Got a cupboard full of 'em, I’ll keep 'em coming
You want it, I got it, go get it, just heat it
Dump the flavor packet on it and eat it

Pork and beans and Minute Rice
And we can play Cribbage all night
And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah

I can take you to the laundromat downtown
And watch all the clothes go round and round
And baby we can go wherever you like (if you like)
I said we can go wherever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah

Hottest shorty I know, if you had some lipo
You could be second-runner-up Miss Ohio
Seven dollar bills rolled
Up inside my plastic billfold
Buy you a bagel even if it isn’t day old
And you never ever gotta wear your sister’s old clothes
As long as I’m still assistant manager at Kinko’s
Cut your hair with scissors and a soup bowl
You ain’t got to pay me, that’s the way that I roll

My chick can have want she want
At Wal-mart she can pick out anything she want
I know girl you ain’t never had a man like that
Who doesn’t make you buy generic brand like that, Yeah

You like my Hyundai, see my Hyundai
I can take you to see your cousin Phil next Sunday
But that’s kind of far and I’m not made of cash
Do you think you could chip in for gas?
Mac and Cheese would be all right
But let’s send out for pizza tonight
And you can order any toppings you like (if you like)
I said you can even have the last slice (the last slice) yeah, yeah

Ran myself a cable from my neighbor next do'
Now I can get free HBO
And baby you can watch whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can watch whatever you like (if you like) yeah

And you can always ride the city bus
Got a stack of tokens just for us
Yo, my wallet’s fat and full of ones
It’s all about the Washingtons, that’s right

You want White Castle, need White Castle
Long as you got me it won’t be no hassle
You want it, we’ll get it, just don’t be a hater
If I grab a bunch of napkins for later

Thrift store jeans on sale half-price
The underwear at Goodwill is nice
And baby you can have whatever you like (if you like)
I said you can have whatever you like (if you like) yeah, yeah

Baby, I can give you anything you please
Even share my government cheese
And baby you can have as much as you like (if you like)
I said you can have as much as you like (if you like) yeah, yeah

in a few days I have to goto a wedding....I haven't really prepared anything for it...I should get on that...hurray for stuffs

hows it going? it goes...same shit...wtf me...its something you've wanted isn't it? where would it go?

obviously at this point in your life you can't get a grasp on anything because your life is being held back by your constant lazyness it school....shape the fuck up ...its gone on long enough...do something...make a decision..and go with it...so you can pay off your debt and do something with whatever knowledge you may have left after you've squandered it away by being this passive-aggressive ass that doesn't seem to climb any mountains.......okay I'm done

I'm going to look up a book right now....I'm just reminding myself not to be a complete douchebag...maybe it'll help...probably won't...but hopefully it'll end up in the back of my mind somewhere..and then stabe me in the face..that'll work